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susie

Hypochondriacs Corner.

for added atmospheric purposes I'm writing in blood.
I cut myself shaving and I wonder if I should visit the Casualty Department. It's a small cut but it could get bigger and go septic and then I might get septicaemia or start bleeding internally because my platelets are low and my clotting factor is crap, oh dear, whatever am I going to do? Crying or Very sad
orkneycadian

Stop shaving and grow a full beard.

Hope that helps.
susie

orkneycadian wrote:
Stop shaving and grow a full beard.

Hope that helps.

thanks bigsmurf
ducati

Reading about a condition on the internet; no symptoms in the early stages.

I've got that! Shocked
susie

ducati wrote:
Reading about a condition on the internet; no symptoms in the early stages.

I've got that! Shocked

jeez you are so unlucky to get that, I hope you don't get better too soon
fred

Re: Hypochondriacs Corner.

susie wrote:
for added atmospheric purposes I'm writing in blood.
I cut myself shaving and I wonder if I should visit the Casualty Department. It's a small cut but it could get bigger and go septic and then I might get septicaemia or start bleeding internally because my platelets are low and my clotting factor is crap, oh dear, whatever am I going to do? Crying or Very sad


Depends.

What exactly were you shaving?
RagnarRocks

Today I went on the NHS website so far I think I've detected about 27 major illness that I have and quite a few minor ones.
What should I do as now of the symptoms aren't really showing so far
susie

RagnarRocks wrote:
Today I went on the NHS website so far I think I've detected about 27 major illness that I have and quite a few minor ones.
What should I do as now of the symptoms aren't really showing so far

If I were you (and I wish I was as you have more illnesses than I've got) I would keep thinking really,really hard about the main and worse symptoms so that after a while you will start to actually have them. Then you can get off to the quack and get stacks of free medicine
RagnarRocks

See I could well have more most seem to have slight temperature and feeling tired as symptoms well if I take those then I'm a walking plaque and should be put into quarantine immediately
susie

RagnarRocks wrote:
See I could well have more most seem to have slight temperature and feeling tired as symptoms well if I take those then I'm a walking plaque and should be put into quarantine immediately

No, I have to disagree. it is vital for the well being of your fellow hypochondriacs that you are allowed to roam freely across the land.


PS I love the idea that you are RagnarRocks the walking plaque, are you brass or nasty plastic?
RagnarRocks

susie wrote:
RagnarRocks wrote:
See I could well have more most seem to have slight temperature and feeling tired as symptoms well if I take those then I'm a walking plaque and should be put into quarantine immediately

No, I have to disagree. it is vital for the well being of your fellow hypochondriacs that you are allowed to roam freely across the land.


PS I love the idea that you are RagnarRocks the walking plaque, are you brass or nasty plastic?



I've always fancied a little engraved brass plaque maybe with some monkeys on it 🙊🙉🙈
susie

🙊🙉🙈

Well you should have been a monkey doctor
Haggis Muncher

orkneycadian wrote:
Stop shaving and grow a full beard.

Hope that helps.


Susie would probably look quite....err...hmm...."different" if she grew a full beard under each armpit.  Shocked
susie

Haggis Muncher wrote:
orkneycadian wrote:
Stop shaving and grow a full beard.

Hope that helps.


Susie would probably look quite....err...hmm...."different" if she grew a full beard under each armpit.  Shocked

Now you Haggis Muncher you. My pits are hallowed areas not to bandied with nor made the subject of merriment. Clearly one can oly have a small area of hallowment at any one time so my 'beard' can now become famous. Once of a day I was known, by a small circle of admirers, as  Blackbeard, alas and alack with the passage of time I am now seen as a partially bald Greybeard. Not pattern baldness, oh no, more overuse baldness.
RagnarRocks

Aww No rapunzel like tresses draped from the pits for ardent admirers to swing from

Life will never be the same 🙉
RagnarRocks

Aww No rapunzel like tresses draped from the pits for ardent admirers to swing from

Life will never be the same 🙉
ducati

Just shows that whatever you do is wrong. If we had er become involved in helping Syrian dissidents, this situation may never have arisen, but who knows.

Sorry ignore the above, wrong thread.
susie

ducati wrote:
Just shows that whatever you do is wrong. If we had er become involved in helping Syrian dissidents, this situation may never have arisen, but who knows.

Sorry ignore the above, wrong thread.

So. My armpits are a result of us not helping out the Syrups! Well I never, perhaps there is fame on the horizon.
RagnarRocks

susie wrote:
ducati wrote:
Just shows that whatever you do is wrong. If we had er become involved in helping Syrian dissidents, this situation may never have arisen, but who knows.

Sorry ignore the above, wrong thread.

So. My armpits are a result of us not helping out the Syrups! Well I never, perhaps there is fame on the horizon.


If I ever see a burka wearer with hair trailing like ropes behind in Thurso or Wick I will know who you are
susie

Now don't you go giving away all my little secrets.  

I'm off it this morning, got galloping intermittent nosebleeds, numb toes and a rash on my neck and behind my knees. I'm hoping it's some rare viral thing so I can really get my teeth into resigning myself to enduring many, and tedious, appointments at the surgery and hospital.
orkneycadian

Sounds like you are doing up the restraints just a little bit too tight.  Try them one notch looser tonight, or get the fur lined ones.
susie

orkneycadian wrote:
Sounds like you are doing up the restraints just a little bit too tight.  Try them one notch looser tonight, or get the fur lined ones.

Right. I've had a whole weekend of loose fluffiness and I can't really recommend it. Where's the fun in being comfy?
I'm going to have to be vigilant this week and make sure I stand near folk who look ill, I'm quickly running ou of symptoms....oh gosh, may I've got that thing ducati mentioned, better look it up in my home doctor book.
mrsbradey

It does very much sound like you have a serious case of 'Wellness'!!!
susie

mrsbradey wrote:
It does very much sound like you have a serious case of 'Wellness'!!!

I conclude that you are superior to the GP and will, in future, consult with you. I feel better than I have for years. If prescrips are still free Doc, can I get a nice big parcel of Andrew's liver salts?
susie

Any help with 'stubborn' stools greatly appreciated.
orkneycadian

susie wrote:
Any help with 'stubborn' stools greatly appreciated.


Until normal service is resumed, don't hold back the dregs when you pour out a bottle of home brew.  Tip all the contents in the jug and quaff the lot.

Hope that helps
susie

orkneycadian wrote:
susie wrote:
Any help with 'stubborn' stools greatly appreciated.


Until normal service is resumed, don't hold back the dregs when you pour out a bottle of home brew.  Tip all the contents in the jug and quaff the lot.

Hope that helps

Thanks for your advice, I decided to finish the barrel bottom dregs at breakfast and I think your remedy works fi................'..holy shit........................
therealducati

women with beards = too many face lifts!
susie

And here I was thinking my secret was safe! But you know it's not as spectacular as it used to be, the beard that is, now that things are thinning out. I'm considering going down the 'comb-over' path, any advice or comments may, or may not, be appreciated.
Haggis Muncher

Well Susie, being a lady of the land as you so often tell us laddos, i reckon you could sneak out one night with a .22 rifle and pop off a big, fat, fwuffy wabbit. You could stick that down your knickers and save yourself the trouble of a comb-over. don't worry if anyone sees it from afar, it will just look like hares from a distance.
susie

Some cow up my road says I should take up yoga to relieve hypochondrial stress. Do you think it's a good idea? An old friend from years back used to do yoga and she did vagina farts all the way through her routine. I would wither away like an old prune if that happened to me in the village hall.Thanks.
Haggis Muncher

way i see it, to prevent any embarrassment caused by fanny farts, is simply to leave the meat in. Might have to be creative in the yoga poses but i'm sure you'll get by  Very Happy
orkneycadian

Couldn't you just tape it up with duct tape before going to the yoga class?

Then, when you get home, you get yourself a free bikini line wax!

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